Living with a Drunk

what my life is like everyday

2005/9/1

Another horrible day

@ 07:53 AM (113 months, 4 days ago)

Today has started as any other day. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place with him(I will call him just HIM) I don't know what to da anymore nor where to turn. My biggest problem is I feel sorry for him and GOD please tell me whay that is so true. Why should I feel sorry for someone who isn't capable of caring for himself never mind his family. I am lost and not sure anymore why I stay. Not sure if I even love him anymore > He makes that nearly impossible with his nastiness. Yes he is mean and violent and abusive at times but mostly he is mentally abusive.. I will write more later..

sheryl

Comment(s) »

  1. Hi Sheryl! I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. It must be hard, and even harder to leave. It took my Mom about 24 years to leave my Dad...and just made it harder to do so because of having more kids. Now she has left him, and has found a job and is doing so much better. It's hard to leave, I understand. The world is a scary place...sometimes the place that you are at seems better than it could be to you. If you ever want to chat...email me....although perhaps your blog brings you some comfort.

    Comment by Sunshine— 2005/09/19 @ 02:47 AM — (Reply)

  2. I feel your pain. I too live with a drunk. Today my children from a previous marriage came over to celebrate my birthday. I guess you know the rest of the story. I lived with a drug addict and drunk for 13 years the first time. I stayed single for 5 years. I then met my current husband and the first year was great. Then the drinking and the verbal abuse. We have a child together and everyday I wait to see if things will change. Seven years later and I am still waiting. I don't want to hurt my 5 year old the way I hurt my older children by leaving but I hate my life and what it has become. We fight regularly and I ask myself why? Did I cause this? I feel your pain and every word is written on my heart.

    Comment by Sharon— 2005/11/05 @ 11:27 PM — (Reply)

  3. Guess I am in the same boat. I am very inteligent and yet stupid enough to stay ... he has control over everything now and I guess I dont have anything left... except a little bit of me.
    He is also very verbally abusive and sometimes I get in little pokes but it just doesnt compare. So when do we know or have enough strength to stop it?

    Comment by annie— 2006/05/19 @ 12:47 PM — (Reply)

  4. So here i am...i have read everyones comments and it scares me a little. I was blaming the verbal abuse on his past family upbringing. Now i think i see reality a little more. I wish i would have done this serarch before i got married. I question if i would have married him. We got married in nov.05, up to about last week, July 24, i was soo in love. So happy. Now, im hurting because the man whom i gave my life too, who i trusted to love protect and respect me said the most discusting vile, degrading, dehumanizing words i have ever heard come out of his mouth. I was soo hurt for days after.I gave him a card recently that talked about verbal abuse begged him to never go there again with me, he was soo sincere so loving after i thought just maybe we got passed it. then today, he told me he liked his beer more then me. im so tired of being hurt and it feels like it has just begun after i have read peoples candid thoughts. im scared that i made the bigges mistake of my life marrying him. Is there any hope for him, for us..How?

    Comment by newlywed— 2006/07/28 @ 08:03 PM — (Reply)

  5. I am sorry for you ( Newlywed) you have just started out . Leave now it only get worst. Is alway better the day after. He is nice sweet and does almost everything you ask. He says he will never do anything yo hurt you . BUt infact the meer words he said last night cut you like a knife. And the words he will say the next time will cut you again. If you decided to sat ( and I hope you dont) the word will end up being noting any words he sai the "I love you" or the "I can't stand you " he will say he is sorry and you will tink yo yourself yes you are sorry. YOu will walk on egg shells so he won't drink. That won't work. you will do all you can and nothing will work, The reason I am telling you this is because I am 39 years old and I am still stuck. I have 3 children and we all say the samething when he goes out with his friends . We hve oru cloths pack sitting by our doors. Ready to leave when he walks in sometimes we are gone before he gets home.I have asked him to leave many times . Infact I have move manytimes. All I have is problems, I knw my life is not over but I am so mad with my self because I ALLOWED this to happen to me and my kids. I did no body but me. the word is feeling sorry , Please do feel sorry for him, it won't get better it will only get worse. Please open your eyes TODAY and leave even if he is sober. That would be the best time to leave so he knows why you are leaving. get out while you are still young and you have you life ahead of you. You are thinking what if he meets someone else and become a better person. He is who he is . He fooled you he will fool another person too! THen the real person wil comeout all you can do is just watn then that is all. But you deserve to be happy. Get ou now!

    Kathy I
    From Louisiana

    Comment by Kathy Ireland— 2007/03/26 @ 07:03 AM — (Reply)

  6. i have been married for 17 years. i hate when my husband comes home. i hate that alcohol smell, cig smell and that glossy eyed look. my husband has no morals, does not help with family issues, does not contribute to the children. he does not share wisdom, play games. he does not interact with us. he prefers to be alone. i find empty beer cans, wine bottles, anything for his fix. i am very alone and very sad. i have no where to go. my friends do not know of my husbands abuse. they think he travels. i am able to care for my children and will be there for them.

    Comment by stupid wife— 2007/10/03 @ 12:37 AM — (Reply)

  7. :sad: i feel for you...I live the same way & it really sucks!! I also live with a DRUNK!!

    Comment by Tess— 2008/09/11 @ 12:25 AM — (Reply)

  8. How sad...:cry:

    Comment by Volvo Headlight Wiper Blade— 2007/11/13 @ 12:04 AM — (Reply)

  9. I live with my soon to be husband, he loves pot and to drink. He becomes so desprete for both he would even spend his last dolor for either one. Having work the next morning dont affect him. I work part time and like to get to bed by 11pm he keeps me up till 132am sometimes looking for his pot. I am the driver he lost his licence to DUI 2xs... BUt These are the things that barther me most. I am not to concerned that I have not orgasamed in 6 months? or who knows, all he wants is me to pleasure him. SOrry I got off track --any one have to go threw same thing or similor?

    Comment by Kathy— 2008/08/21 @ 11:06 AM — (Reply)

  10. I am sorry to hear about your terrible stories. I have been going through the same trouble, I am not a parent however, I am a child who has an alcoholic/ drug addict as a father. I am 22 yrs. old and have been living with it as long as I can remember. Each year though it hurts me more and more as I am maturing and realizing what is happening. I wish my mom would leave my dad everyday, however I always wonder what will happen to my father. It's a scary place out there and I feel he will only get worse and I will have no contact with him what so ever. That scares me. Does anyone have any ideas of what to do!? =(

    Comment by Melissa— 2009/08/03 @ 09:02 PM — (Reply)

  11. Melissa,

    Unfortunately, leaving your Dad is the best thing your mom could do. Every person in this world must take responsibility for themselves. By not getting help and dealing with his addiction, he's letting down you and your mom.

    After 2 years of living with a violent addict, I learned this the hard way. He was lucky enough to have parents who spent $20K on his rehab. I gave up my weekends to go to group with them. He didn't take any of it seriously. And leaving him was the best thing I did!

    It was the only thing that convinced him he truly had a problem. Otherwise, I was enabling his addiction. He lived me and had no job. He was taking advantage me. Finally, I had enough. He's still a drunk....but it no longer affects me.

    You and your mom should go to Al-Anon. They won't advise you, but they'll listen.

    Comment by Michelle— 2009/08/13 @ 10:34 AM — (Reply)

  12. I was married for 24 years. The ex was not a drunk, but it was hell living with him. I really can't offer advice about a drunk guy, but I can tell you from my own experience, that it isn't necessary to be in an abusive relationship by being with a drunk. Sometimes I wished my ex would drink, just to make him animated and perhaps happy and fun to be with, less mean.
    Is it the alcohol in your case? Or the personality of the man you are with? Who can say? But I am glad to be out and dating fun decent men. Lot of emotional repair still. Still feel like someone who was abused for years.

    Comment by betsy— 2009/09/11 @ 12:23 PM — (Reply)

  13. I was married for 24 years. The ex was not a drunk, but it was hell living with him. I really can't offer advice about a drunk guy, but I can tell you from my own experience, that it isn't necessary to be in an abusive relationship by being with a drunk. Sometimes I wished my ex would drink, just to make him animated and perhaps happy and fun to be with, less mean.
    Is it the alcohol in your case? Or the personality of the man you are with? Who can say? But I am glad to be out and dating fun decent men. Lot of emotional repair still. Still feel like someone who was abused for years.

    Comment by betsy— 2009/09/11 @ 12:53 PM — (Reply)

  14. Its got to be me. I'm the only common denominator. This is my third go round and my third drunk...........I guess you really can't fix stupid...........

    Comment by Lynn— 2009/10/14 @ 07:41 AM — (Reply)

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